69.            MARTIE

Remember I was once in a psychotic state
And had my hand over your mouth?
I feared the devil was stalking me
And you had to call out loudly;
“In the name of Jesus Christ.”
At that moment I feared my whole existence
As at that moment my fear was stronger than religion
The devil was to close for comfort.
Remember when as a boy I hurt myself
And I would not allow you to cuddle me
And I will just push you away?
It was because I wanted to be on my own.
Then there was a time I was still a baby
And I talked to people who were not there
And you left me alone in the kitchen.
Later in life I would tell stories to myself.
Then as a little boy when you fought in the house
Behind the bedroom door,
One calling me by the name
And the other told me to go away.
I guess that is one of the reasons
I ran away from home in standard three.
That and apartheid politics
We where heading for the border.
I just had enough of it
My friend had his own reasons.
With all this I still love you.